Peaches and Steam

I’ve always wondered why I repeat this cycle every week. Thursdays, through to Sunday. Then I wake up Monday morning with a Hiss and a moan, wondering why the weekend has come and gone so fast. At a point I thought it was for lack of a partner to spend time with, to occupy me with her warmth and intellect.

So I searched out for a partner, helplessly I’m fed up at this point. For it seems I have been a victim of my own undoing, either looking in the wrong places or seeking the wrong virtues. I’m spent and I can’t care less. I can have any woman I want but the question is ‘Is that really important right now?’

Me, a lover of fun and good things of life, not overly committed to many things but verse in arts and discourse. Will I define myself by who I’m with, at such a time as this?
I shake my head in disappointment. I am still susceptible to those lonely feelings though, craving warmth and companionship. For it is natural to. Yet it is something that vexes me because I have in moments of weakness such as the one I rise from right now let it be a means of defining me.

Now Thursdays are no more while my body says Friday is under consideration, yet it is glad that I agree with it for Saturday. So we a becoming one again. No more Play every Thursday, Dub-c is in probation and The Dome can be glad I’ll still be there.

Last week saw me at these three places, not to have fun naturally but more as a spectator, the party animals I had with me barely noticed my state of introspection. My body was tired and my mind had been starved. In dissatisfaction it berated me, turning out open and empty palms that craved information, instead they were held before my thinking eyes shaking and barely still. I felt a ting of guilt, yet those hands where held before my thinking eye a little longer and I gave in, I knew I had been my own worst enemy and I was full of remorse.

Then I remembered a poem I wrote when long ago I once thought I could go no further.
Looking at it now I just laugh;

Past me it seems,
When I would throw caution to the wind,
Dispense with decency,
Now I watch with almost aged eyes,
Careful of what I divulge,
My tongue has aged,
I wish not to admit that my body
Too has.
I abuse this temple,
And time no longer hides its
Damages,
My miles now seem short
As nicotine and alcohol have been my
Play mates,
I seem weary in the face of physical exertion,
Now I walk like a time bomb,
Uncertain when I will explode,
Or rather implode,
For I know the damage shall eventually be within,


Many times I have tried to take in the reality
Of this path I tread,
Many detours have I taken but back to
This path do still return,
To bask in the misty ambiance of tobacco,
Invest in the self imposed blur of alcohol,
Yes I am lost,
Yet my mind wishes to indulge,
As I hear the slurred voices of my companions,
They too walk their own paths,
They have begun to show sign of tiring,
Looking for the next detour,
Not myself,
I still walk this path,
Like I feel indestructible,
Or is it that I am immune to such consequences
As the cancers and the liver failures?

Yet I have heard tales of sufferers,
Those who have failed to heed warnings,
How their last days were engulfed with pain,
Not me I sometimes say,
I’ll die a ripe old age of 90,
Like I were my own God,
Till I cough blood,
Till I fail to rise in the morning maybe,
I’ll still puff and guzzle,
Throw away healthy living and laugh
And laugh at the fit and able.

Looking at this piece now, I just laugh at the sheer ignorance that filled me when I wrote it. I sure am tired, and I’m worried for my health as well. Let’s just hope my detour stays permanent.

I saw Peaches last week while submitting my last Performance clearance. She was with someone else but she gave me a few minutes of her time. She said she was having a good time at her new office then as she left she gave me a warm hug. That encounter was still fresh in my mind when I checked facebook on Saturday night. Lo and behold, she had put up several of her modeling pictures and boy did they look good.
I was tempted to give her a call I must confess, then I thought again, ‘it’s not like any thing would change’.
Truth is I miss her, not because I’m lonely, it’s more to do with the honest friendship we both had before things changed.
Then there were no obligations to call each other initially, we just hung out at a bakery near my office, talking about stuff, laughing. She had this habit of pinching me on my side then given you this feigned serious look when you teased her, at this point her jaw would begin to shiver ‘cause she was trying to hold back a smile. I really do miss those times.

Its most probably pride that won’t make me give her a call right now or in the near future. I’ll probably sit this one out sulking and hoping I’m doing the right thing.

The Sleazy Lounge beats the Weekend Routine...

Its been two months since I've been nursing this Blog and it really is turning out to be a promising child. Though there are times when admittedly I have intentionally ignored it, there have been moments when upon looking at another person's blog i draw inspiration and regain the Will to nurture mine.

FBA posted a short on his blog talking about how tired he was while i just read XSN's post saying almost the same thing but in a longer version, it almost makes me feel as if an anti- blogging virus has hacked into their personal computers and is writing all this stuff.
Well as a newbie I have decided to put expectations at a moderate level while trying to make sure i don't make my post look forced, hence the obvious extended periods with out any post on my blog.

Now that Peaches and I have taken a break from each other, I've so quickly become accustomed to being single again, or maybe while I was in the relationship I never really took in the fact that I actually was in one, not to sound arrogant, i just still am trying to understand the whole experience.

Friday saw me getting into unexpected trouble; my CDS coordinator handed me a small piece of paper that could cause me several sleepless nights; on it was written clearly, "this is a query asking you to explain why you have missed you weekly CDS 10 times. I agreed to everything on the query except the '10 times part' , i mean I know I've missed some particular days, but claiming its up to 10 can't be possible (or is it.....?). Now i have a hearing slated for upper Friday.

With that date in mind I began my weekend routine but this time around things didn't turn out as before. It seems we've gotten so used to the routine that on this particular Friday night barring SBB we all got bored before things got into full gear, my case wasn't helped by the fact that Diva wasn't picking her phone calls. We ended up calling it a night earlier than we usually did.

Saturday proved much more interesting though, I woke up on a low, dragged myself about the house lazily for a couple of hours before making the bizarre decision to shave my moustache, the face I saw in the mirror was odd but not so bad until Mr. Capable said I looked like 'Bart Simpson'. I admit that the comment had me feeling vulnerable so by noon when Mystery came to the house and we all headed to the Barber's shop, i ended up shaving my beard as well. The look again didn't come out well, now I knew I had made an irreparable mistake. knowing I had promised myself not to cut my hair again at least till the end of the year, i still couldn't stand it any longer so with a defeated ego, i headed back to the barber for the second time that day and cut my hair. I feel i let myself down for not following through on the promise. Now I'm starting over and this time I'm keeping it strictly professional.

In between my insecurities and hair cuts me and the Boys met a Princess, as in her name is Princess and going by what she plans to do on children's day, she truly has the heart of one. Mr. Capable had met her the previous day and while they were getting acquainted she had claimed she was looking for and orphanage to visit on children's day, since Mr. Capable knew one a few streets from were we lived, he offered to take her there hoping one of us would hook up with her, but by the time we saw how honestly interested she was in this mini project we were all sold. We did our best to help liaise with the orphanage official we met.
The fact that such a young girl could have thought of such a noble act really touched me. On a day when several children around the world would have no parents to take them out to have fun, she was giving up her time to help these kids as well as spend time with them, I truly was touched. Did I mention Princess is gorgeous?

By night fall we were back at Dub-C, but this time we had Lil mama as well as Mr. Capable's girl with us... things turned out better than I had expected until we had to split up, not wanting to head home earlier than the night before, I hooked up with Lil mama and Phoenix for some club hopping.

This was the result:
Bounced at Play (reason being that I was not properly dressed.......???)

A- Lounge was virtually empty.....(we left the place immediately we got in)

so we decided to check out Krystal lounge. I have a natural dislike for the place, so much so that I'd prefer hanging out at Dub-C all night rather than spend a few hours there.

Krystal lounge to me is a place of Sleaze, the faces of the regulars there leave you feeling insecure about you environment. Prostitutes are the most prized clientele and there hardly is any room to move about freely.

I honestly hope they demolish the place, even for no reason at all. We ended up spending barely more than 30 minutes in the place, i was off chasing an over sized ass while Lil mama and Phoenix danced for a few minutes. By the time they signaled me that it was time to leave, I had gotten no where with the over sized ass. Phoenix dropped us off at home but i never made it to my room as I settled for the rug in the upstairs parlor (I think it was the idea that I was going to watch Skins for the first time that drew me to the living room).


By Sunday morning I started to think about the routine thing; is it all necessary? Do I have to be out all weekend? why does it have to be alcohol all the time? But also paramount on my mind was the fear of visiting that Sleazy Lounge again, the mere thought of it made me draw up a new routine I plan to implement if everything goes according to plan this week, but first I'll list my weekend routine;

Thursday: Eden garden

Friday: Dub-C and any club willing to admit me.

Saturday: Just Dub-C (have to go to church on Sunday morning)

Sunday:Eden Garden.

now my preliminary outline for a new routine is


Thursday: Karaoke at Play

Friday: Dub-C

Saturday: Spend time with Family and Friends during the day.

Sunday: Pool party at The Dome.

If any one has any suggestions let me know.

Meanwhile I still am hoping for something to be done about that stupid lounge oh....

Is it Goodbye Peaches? but i can't sing!!!

I'm supposed to be having a wonderful week, in truth its been great fun, but i won't give it a complete 10.

It is with a heavy heart and a deep sense of regrettable relief i announce the parting of ways between I and my adorable Peaches... in as much as a lot of people didn't believe the relationship was not going to last, i tried everything I could to make it real, she barely even tried, and soon enough i began to feel as if I was the one who so badly wanted this relationship so therefore everything lay in my hands.

Tuesday was her birthday funny enough so i decided to take her to the movies then have dinner, but as usual she was more than willing to run off with er friends to meet other 'friends' for drinks somewhere else... like I told you guys i wonder what made me agree to this relationship, maybe it was because I felt i would be ungrateful if i showed her I didn't appreciate the affection she showed me as she mouthed the words "I love you to me" each time we spoke on the phone, or it was simply my own selfish reason of wanting to endure a possibly decent relationship after years of skepticism and playing cowboy.

Peaches was special nonetheless, tall and graceful, with a cute smile, her distinct sense of fashion gave her a funny eccentricity that I found endearing. In the real sense we made a lot of sense as good friends, and it was during the eve of the beginning of our relationship that i began to realize this, sadly I admit i was not man enough to tell her how much things had changed. maybe now I'll never enjoy that friendship anymore, maybe we'll just pass the remaining days of our lives never crossing paths again, I'm not sure.

Post Peaches era seems to have a lot of promise to it from the way things are looking, Thursday had me hanging out with the boys ; Mr. Capable, Mystery and Sills for a karaoke night at Play and we only succeeded in making torturous music for the decent patrons of the establishment... at least I found out one thing about myself; me singing in public amounts to one of the torture tactics employed by the CIA in retrieving information from enemy combatants.

Besides the singing there was also beer consumption on a partially empty stomach, apparently amidst all the fun Mystery and myself had forgotten the importance of food substance in the stomach while consuming alcoholic beverages so we were 3 steps above tipsy by the time we were through with our howling at Play.

I'll give you guys more info on the weekend as soon as I can...