Friday, May 6, 2011

A Guide to Clubbing for Geeks (I think)...

Define Geek? The definition of the word is;

A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits but is felt to be socially inept.

These are undoubtedly our heroes. The men who discard social gatherings and common forms of indulgence to churn out new inventions and innovations that makes your social lives even much better. Picture Mark Zuckerberg in Harvard, he never got into any of the clubs or Frat houses. Now his invention helps the guys in these clubs/Fraternities enhance their range of social acceptance.

Anyone who's an ardent watcher of 'The Big Bang Theory' should try and picture those guys in a club scene. They'd be totally helpless, out of sync and rhythm with the crowd and music. You'd be bumping to the BEP's 'boom boom boom' in a very cool way but their poor brain/body coordination would probably make them move twice as fast.

It would look almost helpless but i think i figured something out that could help them a bit. I don't intend to give them a fraction of a typical social life, this piece more appropriately is directed at you, if one unfortunate day you end up hanging out with your geeky cousin or brother and have no idea how to introduce them to the club scene, you can pull this up and read through, hopefully it'll work.

Step 1: the gate: If you're a regular at a particular club then you'll know what the dress code is like. So its best you help him pick out his outfit. This shouldn't be a hard thing to do since most of the fashion world has hijacked the 'geek look'. He'll probably have a pair of glasses and suspenders which could be incorporated into any outfit he plans to don.

Step2: drinks: Make sure you ask him about his drinking habits, if he's not into drinking, you better not give him any, but if he does, make sure he's well within his limits through out the whole night. then keep him hydrated which ever way.

Step3: The girls: (hopefully he's straight): I suggest you ask him to be honest with you if he's ever made any contact with the opposite sex. This is likely the most important part. If his only form of interaction with Women has been through strictly playing GOD OF WAR and regular doses of PLAYBOY then its best you advise him to stick by one rule; 'Shut it' otherwise, if he's in any way good looking then his vocabulary for the night should not exceed words such as make-up and underwear.

Step4: accessories: make sure his accessories do not include a laptop/ipad, soldering machine, frequency jammers & computer printouts he intends to study.

Step5: conduct: He should be reminded that he's not allowed to conduct surveys, opinion polls and that the people around him in the club are not guinea pigs or human testing subjects.

Step6: Dancing: The surest thing to do in the likelihood he wants to 'shake a tail feather'is to make sure he restricts himself to the 1-2 step, no harlem shakes, no dougie, no jerking..nothing.

If you can abide by these 6 simple steps through the night. Things might not turn out so bad after all.