I have a confession to make, the reason i'm writing this post is because i'm trying to stop myself from going into one of my 'i'm pouring out my emotions' blog posts.
I've been going through one of the most painful emotional roller coasters ever and i don't know when it's gonna end. All have been using to block it out is work. But right now, i'm too less busy, and the thoughts are struggling to take up a front seat in my mind's theater....in fact they're gunning for the stage.
I'm helpless, wondering why I can't be cold and calculating, a mean lying philanderer... why!
Instead its me, emotionally vunerable dopey eyed mugun.... how could i have been so stupid?
There i go, i'm saying i don't want to write about something but i've used more than a paragraph already.... I pity myslef.
I have several items that have been in my possesion for quite sometime, these items have come to mean so much to me and despite the teling of time upon them i find it so hard to replace them. Just two items oh... not like they're plenty.
A wallet and a Bible.
THE BIBLE; It was my first visit to Abuja, Chairman was going on one of his usual long business trips and we kids were on our long break. It seemed as if he didn't want to leave us alone this time since it was becoming custom for us to only see him during his short trips to Lagos when he would spend a week or two. These periods would mainy comprise of house inspections and individual assesments by him.
We never really looked forward to these visits but there was nothing we could do.
Despite all this, he never failed to tell us a thing about Abuja, how impressive the town was and how frequently he met with a few highly placed government officials.
So even if it meant spending the entire long break with Chairman, we were presented with a golden oportunity, 'going to ABuja'. This was in the month of September 1997. I was still an impressionable teenager then. quiet and an introvert at most times.Any time i spoke to chairman it was in mumbling whispers..he barely heard what i said.
On the day of the trip we got to the airport with our luggage and checked in (i no go lie na the first time wey i enter plane be that). I was oozing with excitment and it even doubled when I found Chairman ushering us into the VIP departure lounge. He encouraged us to look around while he chatted to some guy who looked pretty important. I walked over to the book store and immediatley started searching for my favorite print; Comics. I was dissapointed to barely find one, soon enough while i kept on searching the shelves with my eyes, my siblings joined me then soon after, Chairman. He pulled out his wallet and entered the Book store pointing out two Bibles (NIV). I still can't remember what he bought for Lil mama.
He took us over to a long sofa in the same VIP lounge and sat us down.One by one he took each Bible and scribbled our names on the first pages, along with dates. I just sat there and stared at him.
That was 12 years ago, i still have that same Bible till this day. read it almost every morning and travel every where with it. Its one of the first things to go into my traveling bag anytime I leave town.
It has become worn out and developed dog ears but anytime i think of changing it i give it an extra look, then open the front page. Before I know it, all sentiment come flooding back in and I hae a new determination to hold on to it much longer.
I don't know, maybe i'll hold on to it and make it become a family heirloom, passed down from father to son....lol...
I had just finished secondary school and while we passed the time following Mum to her office on the island, we never really earned any money. All we looked forward to was lunch time; it was our wave of the moment delicacy at that time "Ewa Agoin"....
Myself and Mr. Capable had become so addicted to the delicacy that Mum had to have the lady she bought it from make a big bowl of the special stew, which she store in the deep freezer at home. When that happened, we had no reason to folow her to her office anymore.
But on one particular day she still hauled us off to work. I soon became bored so I began to develop a kneen curiosity towards buses and their routes. I knew Mum wouldn't allow me just run off on my own so i started grumbling just after lunch that i wanted to go home. within an hour , when she had had enough of my contorted and unevenly frowned face she finally gave in. Immediately i suggested to her that we took the bus. Mr. Capable gave me a terrified look (Buttie) but i ignored him. She looked at me with a little suspicion then took out some money from her hand bag. Immediatley Mr. Capable brought out his wallet, brandishing it for all to see that he had one. I Immediatley recognized it as one of the many wallets that Chairman had used for a short Period of time before discarding it for its inadequacy.
My excitment soon died and was replaced by a mixture of envy and sadness. Mum asked me why i looked soo down, i then went ahead to tell her that Unlike my brother, i had no wallet (no be se i get money that time oh). she then urged us to head home.
Later that evening, while we were all home, Mum called me to her room and reached into her bag. She brought out a leather black wallet,it was still in a nylon wrap. Immediatley i saw it, i had a big smile on my face. "hmmmmm....now we both have wallets"... i thought to myself.
She handed it to me 10 years ago and till this day i never leave the house with out it. Its become torn and battered but i find it hard to let go. The treads are hanging out but all I have to do is take a second look at it and i'm holding tighter to it.
will I ever let them go?
I no know oh... They've become a part of me, sorta....