I'm sitting here with a finger in my mouth, wondering.... " what is happening to me"?
in the past six months what have I been doing to myself that makes me feel this way... I'm not the same person any longer... then yet again, I've never been a normal person to begin with.
But making matters worse is my slow deterioration in several aspects. Its no joke and I'm sure I'm making a poor effort at sounding sarcastic. I think about the different decisions I've made in the past few months i wonder if I've followed my routine natural progression (something tells me I have regressed.
Through it all I only have the experiences that have come with the times.
I want to believe i write these words with no pain or regret. I want to believe I have offended only a few people over the course of this period. I sit here in front of these key boards unable to talk openly about these experiences because I have lived a life in the shadows of near secrecy and silence.
When did I choose to take this part? How could I believe I would find happiness in such indulgence.
When a seed is planted in the total darkness it shall not rise from the earth with a flourish..... it most likely will die, forgotten.
I look at myself and my eyes feel lifeless. I fear I have become so in active I struggle to make an effort not to be mistaken for a furniture. Food has lost its place in my heart as well.... My weight loss could easily be attributed to work but I know the truth.
Where has my happiness gone?
Yes I am unhappy, possibly heading towards a slight bout of depression. But the zeal to live has not left me. I still enjoy the rising of the sun and the smell of dry air.
I will start afresh, that's what I will do, I have always found renewal in new beginnings..... Yes, the glint in my eyes shall return.
A stronger me shall arise from these ruined shells I am covered in.
Take my word for it..... I'm not going to stay down and give up......I TRULY AM LEGEND...