Saturday, March 6, 2010


I'm sitting here with a finger in my mouth, wondering.... " what is happening to me"?

in the past six months what have I been doing to myself that makes me feel this way... I'm not the same person any longer... then yet again, I've never been a normal person to begin with.

But making matters worse is my slow deterioration in several aspects. Its no joke and I'm sure I'm making a poor effort at sounding sarcastic. I think about the different decisions I've made in the past few months i wonder if I've followed my routine natural progression (something tells me I have regressed.

Through it all I only have the experiences that have come with the times.

I want to believe i write these words with no pain or regret. I want to believe I have offended only a few people over the course of this period. I sit here in front of these key boards unable to talk openly about these experiences because I have lived a life in the shadows of near secrecy and silence.

When did I choose to take this part? How could I believe I would find happiness in such indulgence.

When a seed is planted in the total darkness it shall not rise from the earth with a flourish..... it most likely will die, forgotten.

I look at myself and my eyes feel lifeless. I fear I have become so in active I struggle to make an effort not to be mistaken for a furniture. Food has lost its place in my heart as well.... My weight loss could easily be attributed to work but I know the truth.

Where has my happiness gone?
Yes I am unhappy, possibly heading towards a slight bout of depression. But the zeal to live has not left me. I still enjoy the rising of the sun and the smell of dry air.

I will start afresh, that's what I will do, I have always found renewal in new beginnings..... Yes, the glint in my eyes shall return.

A stronger me shall arise from these ruined shells I am covered in.

Take my word for it..... I'm not going to stay down and give up......I TRULY AM LEGEND...


  1. a part of me can relate to slow deterioration... where there's life there's hope.. so we can take the first steps to getting back stronger.. today

  2. It is never over till it's over and even then, there is the phoenix. I hope you get through this period fine, all the best.

  3. @ Myne: true and thanks a lot.
    @ akabagucci: your words make are like the final texts in my post. thanks bruv..