Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Random... sue me!

What ever i write here is purely Fiction and i stress the need not to take any of it seriously.
"I STRESS" hm mm... OK oh...
Cause if any one walks up to me and says; "hi, i read your blog and do you mean to tell me that blah blah blah is true?" i swear I'll make holes on you the average human being doesn't posses.
OK! i wouldn't but i swear all what I'm about to write is fiction.... and random, meaning it might not follow a particular order.

Abuja's peculiarity has gotten me fed up,and I'm considering relocating to Benin or some where more appealing... every social gathering is enveloped in accents so hard to distinguish you wonder if White men are the ones who really invented Phonetics.

The Ladies are the biggest culprits, putting up airs that could match Queen Elizabeth in the presence of the Di La lama.

Oh Brazil and India... what have thou created? The millions of women who deem it fit to grow, cut and send their hair down to a populous black nation have created a festering monster.
Creating a business for the sellers of the expensive commodity and expanding the business for lenders and Shylocks.
I won't be surprised to encounter a new Bank Product aptly named: 'WEAVESAVE'.

It is these growers and sellers of human hair that are the real mammy waters, growing hairs longer than cloth lines.
Then you force men like me to handle his lover's hair like a czar's Fabregae Egg.
I confess actually helping one lady put up her rollers for the night. Do you know what that marked for me? I wasn't getting none that night.
Trust i slept on my side, grumbling and cursing myself for being able to apply the rollers so well.
The blue balls and ensuing discomfort kept me company all night while 'madam' slept like Pharaoh's bride; untouched and smiling.

I have always expressed my ineptitude in maneuvering the complex waters of the male/ female relationship topic and I'm sure i swore off talking about the topic several times but alas i cannot avoid it.
Why can't it be like it used to?
Boy meets girl, girls meets boy,
Boy likes girl, girl likes boy but plays hard to get,
boy expresses his feelings via letter and flowers or an inexpensive present,
girl finds overtures corny but cute,
girl agrees to go out on a couple of dates,
boy breaks piggy bank to pay for dinner,
girl stops playing hard to get and starts to call boy baby,
boy and girl become a couple.

but that isn't the case in this parts any more, instead it has now become;

boy meets girl wearing Brazilian hair with gucci bag,
boy dodges cause he's wearing pam slippers and plain white T-shirt,
but boy likes girl,
boy decides to go hang out at the usual spot girl normally hangs out,
boy makes sure he has broken piggy bank and borrowed more than half his salary,

NB. boy has not yet met girl and girl does not know boy exists,

boy show's up in his best outfit for the occasion and 'mistakenly bumps into girl'(sometimes via twitter),
girl barely notices boy but can see boy's Blackberry Torch,
boy introduces self and starts small talk that mainly involves houses, cars and designer clothing,
boy asks girl out on a date and they exchange BB pins,
girl agrees and runs off to meet up with her maga for the day,

NB. see how long this actual process is?!

boy and girl start exchanging messages and even the phonetics can't be avoided in text format (serizly),
boy and girl agree to meet up for lunch/ dinner then after drinks at a 'classy' bar,
boy takes girl to the place his father can't afford and buys drinks that cost what he and his guys would spend for a 2 day weekend,
then girl starts to like boys wallet,
boy doesn't know its only when he wants to pay the bills that girl actually smiles,
people at this point i haf tire...

you all know where this story will lead to now; al a: boy broke, girl bails.

Wonder how our children will see things in their own time.

And i'd like to clarify, is pink a feminine color? Cause these days it seems guys are color jacking so bad its like gender discrimination.
I'll not go too deep into that though, so as not to polarize things further than they already are.

What with all the weddings these days? or is there a bonanza going on about 2010 that i missed? 'Get married in 2010 and stand the chance to get twins or something' *shrug*

Like i said, don't take any thing i said here in the real context oh.... if you walk up to me and ask me about this... hmmm...
Just Read the damn thing and forget me.



  1. Lmao!!!! That's d funniest thing iv read inna while! U're really a madt man tho!

  2. Haha! Omolola Akinseye loves it.

  3. lol it is a lie this was true very very true. well it seems so true. Really one thing i have noticed is that babes get packaging that when u meet them u are like what da hell. It is kinda a dilemma to get the babe. Do you go for the one that you meet dressed to kill ? Or the one that is moderate ? Like my padi said nigerian girls are ELEBI. LOL. Really the ones that have money are greedy, the ones that dont want to eat more than their father can give them. LOL. The irony most women that cry for independence dont get is that men only respect you when you hold your own. Even the so called men are at fault too spoiling this girls. Hey not my wahala na them get wahala. There are a few but u have to look well.

  4. I still stand by my word,this is all fiction... didn't you guys read the disclaimer at the top and bottom?