"I'm angry and sad, blown away and lonely. i hate the fact that I feel this vulnerable and its becoming ever more clear that I'm standing in an open range. Some crazed sniper has me in her scope."
These were the words Possi spoke to me this night as he dragged hard on his B & H... looking dejected. There was that funny look in his eyes that had me wishing he didn't own a fire arm or have any thing that could cause harm. HE WAS ANGRY.
I don't know where his story started to unravel but i caught him in the middle of it when the sign were there for all those who knew that what he was getting into was a bad idea. it had me recalling those moments of denial with 'Tinkerbell', back in 2006. when i knew too well that we were from different worlds and i could do nothing to stop her from getting married. the relationship was never meant to see the light of day in the first place yet we groomed it in the shade, hoping childishly that it would grow without sunlight.
how wrong we were back then. Me a younglin from the South- west with varying religious beliefs to her North- eastern origins. She was soon uprooted from her intermediate place of comfort and married off. I never gave up for over 6 months, the possibility of seeing her again.
Now Possi's going through sorta like the same thing.... he's a broken man now, thinking the fates hate his guts for nothing.
even if she's older than he is who cares. or she's been in a relationship with another guy for the past 2 years, who cares. all he knows is that he found someone he thought he could call his, who took his breath away any time he saw her.
She felt the same way towards him, but they both knew it was not meant to be. Even if they both had people they held dear to them, being together felt so irresistible. He barely knew how to take his eyes off her and she could feel his presence from a mile away.
With all this the basics never agreed with their liaison. She was ready to settle but he obviously wasn't.
How could there be a remedy to this?
With him she felt like a free spirit, unhindered in expression. He gave her a new palette.
He saw too much of what he desired in a woman, a woman he wanted to learn from, grow with..... but his mind would not wander further than that (There were many possibilities but this one was beautiful).
Now the bitter realities came calling, and as he stands in this arena of pain, the spectators are bitterness and emptiness. They stand amongst the crowd laughing and jeering.....
I don't know if Possi will survive this, i just hope he does.
I sit across the table from him, looking at him with empathy...
I ask the question within me like i were in his shoes..."when I'm with her, i know its wrong, yet why does it feel so right?....."
What is this feeling???